Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
