CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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