why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
