So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
