You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
