Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
