a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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