Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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