She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
