I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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