if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
