I hate all girls vehemently.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
