So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My dick has a subreddit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
