Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
