I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So drunk its hurt
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
