He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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