You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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