I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
