Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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