My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
