you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
