I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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