would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize