listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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