Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
