She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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