My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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