this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
its liver damage thursday
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
