In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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