Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
