i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh god it's open bar.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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