so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
how drunk are you?
Several
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
