We need to rekindle our bromance
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize