i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
