They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
