I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
