Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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