i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
