DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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