i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
