Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
