I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
