...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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