I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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