just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think people are normalizing furries
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
