dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
