my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
