I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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