It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
