i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
