It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
