suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
