so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
