So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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