we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
