I want to make a zoo with you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
