Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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