Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
