He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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