I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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