you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
