if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
