I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
