i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
