I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
