Little spoons don't ask big questions
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
