So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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