I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
