Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
