Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
