Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
