I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
