i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
