youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
