We're like a lot better than the average bears
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
