Christians are straight up FREAKS
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
soo... how was my night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
