u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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