You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
