oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
