Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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