and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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