if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
