Your dad touched me again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
