She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
