I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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