they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
