I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Boobs speak an international language.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
